Every day, we see people trying to fit into boxes—those tidy little labels society uses to explain who we are. You’ve got the “boss bitch,” the “cat lady,” and the “working mum.” Each label comes with its own set of expectations and stereotypes. If you’re called a “boss bitch,” for example, people expect you to be a power-hungry whirlwind who devours spreadsheets for breakfast, when in reality, you just want to finish your coffee before it goes cold.
When we dare to break out of these boxes, it can feel like we’re trying to escape from a badly written sitcom. Some people around us might not understand our changes, and their reactions can be downright dramatic. After all, change is the enemy, right? If someone has always been known as the caring friend, suddenly asserting themselves can leave others confused. They might feel like they’re in a plot twist they didn’t sign up for.
But here’s the kicker: just because someone labels you doesn’t mean you have to stay in that box. You have the power to redefine yourself, and trust me, that’s far more exciting than any boxed-in identity.
Empathy and How Others Can React
When we change, some folks might react like they’ve just spotted a ghost. This reaction often stems from good ol’ human fear of the unknown. If you start to stand up for yourself after being a lifelong people pleaser, your friends might feel like they’ve just lost their favourite character in a soap opera. They may not understand why you’re suddenly asking them to do their own dishes instead of serving you tea on a silver platter.
As I learned during my time teaching in schools, the phrase “give it a name and it’ll play the game” rings true. If someone is labelled as a “class clown,” guess what? They’re likely to become the star of the comedy show. Similarly, when you change, others might struggle to adjust. It’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole—very messy and usually involves a lot of awkwardness.
But change can also be a good thing. It gives us the chance to have honest conversations about our feelings. You could say something like, “Hey, I’m working on taking care of my own needs more. So, can you please do your own dishes?” Sure, it might initially confuse them, but with a bit of patience, they can learn to understand your new script.
I’ve moved to three different cities, and each move was a mix of excitement and terror, but it also meant I could reinvent myself without the pesky labels from my past. My best friend has seen me through all of this, from my grief to my reckless adventures, and she has somehow managed to keep up. She took the time to understand my perspective, even when I was being reckless, which only made our friendship stronger.
But let’s be real: sometimes people can’t handle change. When that happens, it shows their true colours, and it’s usually not pretty. This is more about them than it is about you, so don’t internalise their confusion. You deserve to be with people who cheer for your growth, not those who want to keep you in a box.
Understanding and Befriending Ourselves
To truly embrace change, we need to understand and befriend ourselves. It’s like doing a personal inventory—who are you now, who have you been, and who do you want to become? We all go through different phases in life, much like a bad hair phase we’d rather forget. Maybe you were once a party girl who didn’t take care of yourself. That’s perfectly fine! Those experiences helped shape you, and they don’t have to define you forever.
Catching yourself when you feel shame or regret about your past is vital. It’s all too easy to think, “I shouldn’t have done that,” but that mindset only holds you back. Instead, remind yourself that every phase has its purpose. For instance, I used to be a massive party girl, out several nights a week, as if my social calendar were auditioning for a reality show. I don’t regret that part of my life; I needed it at the time. Accepting this and moving on is crucial for personal growth.
One way to foster self-friendship is through journaling. Writing down your feelings is like having a one-on-one chat with yourself without any interruptions (and no one to roll their eyes). It gives you a safe space to reflect on your thoughts and dreams. You might write about your past experiences and how they shaped you, or you could jot down what you want for your future—a much healthier focus than scrolling through social media for validation.
Self-reflection is another important tool. Take time to think about what makes you happy, what grinds your gears, and what you want to change. This can help you realise that you are more than just your labels. You are a complex person with many layers, like a delicious cake that you get to have and eat.
The Importance of Supportive Connections and How to Build Them
While it’s fantastic to be your own friend, supportive connections with others can make a world of difference. Surrounding yourself with people who understand and accept you can boost your confidence and help you navigate life’s challenges—like having a solid GPS when you’re lost in the wilderness of adulthood. These connections don’t always have to be super close friendships, but having a few positive influences in your life is crucial.
To build these connections, look for spaces that match your interests and values. If you enjoy reading, consider joining a local book club—where the only thing you’ll argue about is whether the book or the film adaptation is better. If you like sports, join a team or group. These places allow you to meet people who share your passions and may also be on similar journeys of self-discovery.
When I moved to new cities, I joined sports teams, local events, and community groups. I didn’t try to fit in everywhere; instead, I sought out places where I could be myself. This approach made it easier to find friends who were supportive of my growth. Plus, nothing says “I’m making friends” like awkward small talk over a game of netball.
Another way to create connections is by speaking to people you already know. Engaging in conversations with colleagues or acquaintances can open new doors. Sometimes, you might be surprised by how much you have in common with someone. You never know; you might find a new friend who shares your love for obscure 90s sitcoms.
Remember, it’s okay if you don’t form close friendships with everyone. Building supportive connections takes time and effort. Focus on creating a network of people who uplift you, understand your journey, and accept you for who you are.