Comparison is something we all do. It’s built into us. In fact, it’s not just humans—most animals compare themselves to others, whether it’s to work out who’s stronger or who gets to lead the group. For us, comparison used to be about survival: assessing strength or status to know how to stay safe or where we stand in a group.
But today, comparison can often leave us feeling less than, especially when it’s based on what we see on social media. Instead of comparing ourselves for survival, we end up comparing our everyday lives to the best moments of someone else’s life. That’s when comparison becomes tricky because we only see part of the story.
The good news is that while we can’t stop comparing ourselves, we can control what we do with it. Here’s how to manage the urge to compare, without letting it affect your self-worth.
1. Remember: You’re Only Seeing What People Want to Share
In today’s world, it’s easy to forget that we only see snippets of people’s lives, especially online. Think of it like this: most people choose to share their highlights, not the tough moments. Whether it’s a friend posting on Instagram or someone you know in person, you’re not seeing the full picture.
Imagine Sophie. Sophie follows a fitness influencer who seems to have it all—great looks, constant energy, and a perfect lifestyle. But what Sophie doesn’t see is everything that happens off camera. Maybe that influencer has days where they struggle too, but they choose not to show that part of their life. Maybe they feel insecure or have challenges Sophie doesn’t know about. Sophie only sees what the influencer chooses to share. When Sophie compares her whole life to that one person’s highlights, it’s easy to feel she’s falling short, even though she’s not.
It’s important to ask yourself, “What might be happening in the rest of this person’s life?” For example, that fitness influencer isn’t in the gym all day, every day. What else are they doing? They’re likely doing normal things like shopping, eating, and sleeping. Realising that helps you see the fuller picture—everyone has boring, regular moments too.
2. Detach Your Self-Worth From Outward Appearances
Your worth as a person isn’t based on how you compare to others, but rather how well you live according to your own values. Instead of using someone else’s success or appearance as a measure of your worth, shift your focus to something more meaningful: are you living in line with your values?
A simple exercise can help you ground yourself in your values. Start by writing down what matters most to you. It might be kindness, honesty, or creativity. Then, each night, review how well you followed those values during the day. Keep a post-it note near your bed with a notepad, and write down any moments where you were true to your values. You could also set a small goal for the next day to keep yourself on track.
The more you realise you’re living in line with what you care about, the less you’ll worry about what others are doing. You’ll start to feel better about yourself, because your self-worth comes from within—not from comparing yourself to someone else’s highlights.
3. Take Back Control
The urge to compare is something we can’t switch off, but what we do with that comparison is our choice. The next time you catch yourself comparing your life to someone else’s, remember: you’re only seeing part of their story. You have no idea what challenges they might be facing. Focus on what’s important to you, and measure yourself by how closely you follow your own values. When you do that, comparison loses its power to hurt your self-worth.