When I was in my 3rd year of university (in Scotland we do 4 years standard), I started to doubt if I was a good friend and a good person. Actually, I did more than doubt, I convinced myself I wasn’t.
It was in this year that I started to struggle with social anxiety. For me, this was a trauma response to something that had happened the year before, but we don’t need to go into the details of this. My social anxiety meant I couldn’t go out to social events I previously loved without having a panic attack. Some days I couldn’t leave the flat, and others I could only make it to the shops and back, provided I had my earphones firmly in and playing loudly.
I started rejecting a lot of social invites, and I stopped attending a lot of my lectures and tutorials for fear of seeing people. I started to hate who I was and how I was acting because it didn’t feel like “me”. It didn’t feel like the person I knew myself to be – kind, caring, funny, and social. At the time, I didn’t know how to get myself back.
Fast forward 10 years and I find myself reflecting on this after I said to my partner “I really don’t feel like going to the gym today, but I will even if I’m just going through the motions.”
It’s important to know, I don’t go to the gym to have the best session every time, or to hit a new PB (personal best) in my lifts.. I don’t even go to get that big booty or snatched waist everyone is talking about. I go to the gym to prove something to myself.
I know when I consistently go to the gym I feel stronger mentally and my pre-existing injuries are less likely to flare up day-to-day. About 6 months ago, I promised myself that I would consistently attend the gym every week.
The key word here is “promise”.
Many people say they gain self-worth from going to the gym, and I’m sure that’s true. For me, my self-worth is not related to going to the gym, but instead because I am keeping the promise I made to myself. I made myself a promise and I will follow through with that promise. This is where the mental shift happens.
When we lose ourselves, we lose the person we wish to be. Who we are is, at least somewhat, a choice. We can choose to be someone who commits to ourselves, or we can be someone who doubts ourselves.
The only way you will ever prove to yourself that you are worthy is by consistently showing yourself that you are. You can have all the affirmations that you want, but if you don’t follow through with actions, your beliefs won’t change.
Beliefs are based on evidence. So when you want to change a belief, you must create the evidence to back up the belief you wish to have.
If you want to be a better friend, you must take consistent actions to show your care for your friends. If you want to be a healthier person, you must take the actions to prove you’re being healthy.
In turn, taking these actions proves to yourself you are someone who follows through, who commits to things and who deserves the benefits the actions eventually give you.